You Alone Can Save Your Marriage
January 20th, 2010
We will assume that you are reading this because you feel that your partership has hit some skids. Maybe you rushed into the arrangement, maybe you were simply afraid to be alone, or perhaps you had just bounced out of a bad relationship and found the your present spouse to be a refuge from the errors you felt you made or the personal disappointment of the failed relationship. Time has gone on, and the glamour of the other person has worn away, and you find that a) you are married and b) perhaps for reasons that don’t bear close examination. In this case, you may or may not want to talk to a professional about the marriage. To do so would expose a foundation too weak to continue. This is the point at which most people go into a ‘quiet desperation’ mode, hoping that they can simply become numb to the error of the choice.
Most men become paunchy and irritable or submissive; most women develop a hard demeanor, a dissatisfied mien that covers their bitter disappointment. There are far too many of these ‘marriages’ in the world, bereft of the comfort, satisfaction and fundamental friendliness of a true partnership and sadly it isn’t possible to save your marriage alone. If you find yourself in this position, the only way you can save your marriage is to give it up. At a certain level you must step away from the partnership, look to yourself for the balances, joy and integrity that you sought from your partner. When you have found them, you may once again turn to him or her and see them exactly as he or she is, shorn of your expectations and disappointments. That person may or may not be the One, but at least you will be able to recognize it, clearly, without strangling yourself with oblivion and projections.
Entry Filed under: Miscellaneous